38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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