Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
