theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
a search helicopter?!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize