My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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