he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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