that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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