Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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