I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
