I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
