I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
we're so committed to being not committed
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
