I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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