His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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