Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
