I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
