I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
