Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
