He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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