There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
