You're my little dorito
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
