Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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