People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
