I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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