so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
