I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
