i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize