Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
