Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
