Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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