that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
