This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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