bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
