Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
