my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize