wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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