He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
