Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
