You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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