The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
