You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
