Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
