Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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