i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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