3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
