he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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