Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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