am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
if only i could text you this smell
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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