i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
