I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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