He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
