I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
