Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
