Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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