In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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