You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
