Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
