Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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