I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
