Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
