From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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