here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
