you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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