I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
