she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
