Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
