He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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