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He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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