bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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