careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
