And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
