i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
