I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
