How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
