Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
