His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
